Self-Sabotage Therapy in Murray, Ut | Lionheart Counseling LLC

You’re stuck in a negative self-sabotaging pattern

You've made the same promise to yourself more times than you can count. You were going to stop doing that thing — stop pulling back when someone gets close, stop quitting right before the finish line, stop numbing out when life got hard. And for a while, maybe you meant it. Maybe you even followed through — for a week, a month, long enough to feel hopeful.

Then something happened, and here you are again. Wondering why you keep getting in your own way.

That's not a character flaw. That's self-sabotage — and it has a reason.

What Self-Sabotage Actually Looks Like

Most people think self-sabotage means obvious stuff — blowing a job interview, drinking too much, ghosting someone you actually liked. And sometimes it does look like that. But more often, it's quieter than that. It hides in the habits you can't break, the opportunities you talk yourself out of, and the relationships that always seem to end the same way.

In relationships:

• Picking fights when things feel too good, like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop

• Pushing people away right when they start getting close

• Choosing partners who aren't available — emotionally or otherwise

• Telling yourself you don't need connection, even when you're lonely

At work and in your goals:

• Procrastinating on the things that matter most (but easily doing everything else)

• Backing out of opportunities right before they could actually work out

• Downplaying your abilities so no one expects too much from you

• Starting strong, then losing momentum as soon as real progress is within reach

In your health and daily life:

• Making the same resolution again and again, with the same result

• Numbing with food, alcohol, scrolling, or staying busy to avoid sitting with how you feel

• Knowing exactly what would help — and still not doing it

• Taking care of everyone else while consistently putting yourself last

If any of that sounds familiar, you're not broken. You're protecting yourself — just with strategies that used to work better than they do now.

Why Self-Sabotage Happens

Self-sabotage is almost never about laziness or lack of willpower. It's usually a protection strategy — one that got wired in early and now runs in the background whether you want it to or not.

At the root of most self-sabotage are core beliefs: deep, often unconscious convictions about what you deserve, what's safe, and what's possible for someone like you. Things like "I'm not good enough," "if they really knew me, they'd leave," "wanting more than I have leads to disappointment," or "success means more pressure than I can handle."

These beliefs weren't chosen. They were formed — shaped by what you experienced, what you were taught, or what you had to believe in order to survive certain relationships or environments. And now they operate like an invisible set of rules, quietly steering your choices even when your conscious mind is pointing in a completely different direction.

That's why insight alone usually isn't enough. Knowing you self-sabotage doesn't stop you from doing it. Understanding the pattern doesn't automatically change the behavior. What actually moves the needle is working at the level where the pattern lives — not just in your thinking, but in your nervous system, your emotional responses, and the parts of you that still believe those old rules apply.

That's the work therapy is designed to do.

How Therapy Helps

At Lionheart Counseling, self-sabotage therapy isn't a generic process — it's built around what's actually driving your specific patterns. Different approaches are useful at different stages, and most people benefit from a combination.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) goes directly to the memories and experiences that formed your core beliefs. If your self-sabotage is rooted in past experiences — childhood dynamics, relational wounds, repeated failures that left a mark — EMDR helps your brain reprocess those memories so they stop driving your present-day decisions. You don't have to talk through everything in detail. EMDR works at a level beneath the narrative.

IFS (Internal Family Systems) is particularly useful for the internal conflict that often shows up in self-sabotage — the part of you that wants to move forward and the part of you that keeps pumping the brakes. Rather than fighting those internal "parts," IFS helps you understand what they're protecting and what they need, so they stop working against you.

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) targets the thought patterns and beliefs that sustain self-sabotage. Once you can identify the cognitive distortions driving your behavior, you can start interrupting them — not by positive thinking, but by building more accurate and useful ways of evaluating yourself and your situations.

SFBT (Solution-Focused Brief Therapy) keeps the work anchored to where you want to go, not just where you've been. It's useful for building momentum and identifying what's already working in your life — even when it doesn't feel like much is.

Sessions are $125 and available in-person in Murray, Utah (Tuesday–Friday) or via telehealth anywhere in Utah.

Free Resource — The Integrity Gap

If you're ready to start understanding your self-sabotage patterns before your first session — or just want to see if this resonates — The Integrity Gap is a free guide written specifically for this.

It walks through why we break promises to ourselves, what's actually happening beneath the surface, and how to start closing the gap between who you know you can be and how you're actually showing up.

[Download The Integrity Gap — Free →]

FAQ:

What is self-sabotage therapy? Self-sabotage therapy is a type of individual therapy focused on identifying and changing the patterns, beliefs, and behaviors that cause people to undermine their own goals and relationships. It uses approaches like EMDR, IFS, and CBT to address the root causes — typically core beliefs formed earlier in life — rather than just the surface-level behaviors.

How do I know if I'm self-sabotaging? Common signs include procrastinating on things that matter most to you, leaving relationships or opportunities before they can succeed, repeating the same patterns despite wanting different results, and feeling like you're working against yourself even when you genuinely want to change. If you keep making the same promise to yourself and breaking it, that's worth exploring.

What causes self-sabotage? Self-sabotage is usually driven by core beliefs — unconscious convictions about what you deserve, what's safe, or what's possible. These beliefs are typically formed through past experiences, relationships, or environments that taught you to expect certain outcomes. Self-sabotage is a protection strategy, not a character flaw.

Can therapy actually help with self-sabotage? Yes. While insight alone often isn't enough to change ingrained patterns, therapy — especially approaches like EMDR and IFS — works at the level where those patterns live: in your nervous system, emotional responses, and deeper belief systems. Many people experience meaningful change in their self-sabotage patterns within a few months of consistent work.

How long does it take to stop self-sabotaging? It varies depending on how long the patterns have been in place and what's driving them. Some people notice shifts within a few sessions. More deeply rooted patterns — especially those connected to early experiences or significant trauma — typically take longer to work through. Most clients start to see meaningful changes within 3–6 months of consistent therapy.

What's the difference between self-sabotage and just being lazy? Laziness implies not caring. Self-sabotage usually happens in the areas you care about most — which is part of what makes it so frustrating. If you're motivated but keep getting in your own way, that's a self-sabotage pattern, not a motivation problem.

Lionheart Counseling LLC is located at 5296 S Commerce Dr, Suite 206, Murray, UT 84107. In-person sessions are available Tuesday through Friday. Telehealth therapy is available to adults throughout the entire state of Utah — including Salt Lake City, South Jordan, Sandy, Draper, Midvale, and West Jordan.

Phone: (801) 921-7854
Email:dax@lionheartcounselingllc.com

Dax Johnson is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor (LCMHC) in Murray, Utah, specializing in trauma, self-sabotage, anxiety, and depression. He is a National Certified Counselor (NCC) and holds an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Grand Canyon University. Dax uses evidence-based approaches including EMDR, CBT, IFS, and SFBT, as well as Christian counseling for clients who desire a faith-integrated approach.

Dax Johnson, LCMHC (#13937032-6004) | Licensed under Utah Code 58-60-402 and 58-60-407